Losing my grip on life

By Zechariah Richardson: For More Info, Go Here…

I honestly cannot remember what it is like to not be in pain, both physically and mentally.

In 2008 after something like 12 or 13 knee surgeries, the management at Olympus Keymed organized a badly planned rearrangement of the workshop and left an exposed 1-inch pipe sticking out the floor about 2.5 feet high and no warnings.

That pipe finished off my knee and my ability to work.

In 2010 a total knee replacement left me in even worse pain and I eventually requested an above the knee amputation.

I have been told I can’t be in pain because it’s a metal knee and even I know without a medical degree, that there is living tissue and nerves around the joint that can cause pain.

I saw several orthopedic consultants at Southend University Hospital and more times than I can remember, I literally begged Mr. Greer to take my leg off and often I was in tears as I explained my daily existence.

His reply has always been that he swore an oath to do no harm and yet his refusal to help has done exactly that. I am virtually housebound and moving is so so painful.

I was asked to see a psychiatrist because I said I would tie a tourniquet around my leg and therefore force an amputation to be done as after several hours, the build-up of blood, etc in the leg would be fatal if just allowed to flow back into the body.

The psychiatrist spent a couple of hours with me, we went over childhood, over my mental health problems and said that I had PTSD from a previous incident, but she agreed that I wasn’t requesting amputation because of some mental health issue, I was just in pain and desperate.

Eventually, I stopped the fight to get the amputation as the battle with the doctors had exhausted me and it was making me unwell.

It has maybe been 4 years since I saw them and I have tried to just cope and learn to live with it.

It is like hanging from a ledge, I wouldn’t want to take the option that haunts me several times a week, which is suicide. I have a wife, 2 daughters, 2 grandchildren and another on the way. A mum, a sister and another family like cousins and in-laws and I know if I did do it, it would just leave them in pain.


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