Gawker Classification System

Gawkers are the people whose minds are apparently blown by seeing a wheel¬chair user out in public enjoying their life, and can only respond by staring. Some might think that on the eve of 2019 homo sapiens would have evolved beyond such behavior, but if you’ve spent any time in public in a wheelchair you probably know too well how far we have to go.

I know gawkers drive some people crazy, but not me. To be honest, I’m fascinated by them. In fact, I’ve developed a rough classification system to help differentiate between types of gawkers. It’s far from complete, but here are some of the predominant classes with details on how common and annoying they are on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Highly Annoying:

Quick peekers, Common, 3: Known for their tendency to glance surreptitiously, quick peekers are often found in fancier settings where staring is considered rude.

Statues, Very Common, 6: Just the sight of a person with a disability has been shown to trigger facial paralysis and empty stares in many of these individuals.

Jaw droppers, Rare, 8: Sometimes con¬fused with their more common relatives, the statues, jaw droppers can be singled out by the dramatic plunge of the mandible.

Talkers, Uncommon, 10: Stares lead to an urgent need to make self-conscious conversation, including bad jokes (“How fast does that thing go?”), blessings (“I’ll pray for you”) and pure awkwardness (“It’s great to see you out”).

Identifying your own gawkers can be tricky. The hardest part is often separating gawkers from people who may be staring at something other than you or your chair.

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